Monday, November 17, 2008

Root Beer Review

So I've had a epiphany and I think I need to make a new blog. Wouldn't it be AWESOME if I started a blog that reviews different root beers? I know right? This would be a totally original, new, unique and splendid thing. I'll have to put some thought into the logistics of it. I was thinking a black background, a bottle cap rating system, a lame little soliloquy on the right hand side, and the actual reviews with a picture and history of each brand. I'm not sure if this wonderful, unique, special, beautiful idea will take shape, but I thought I would run the idea by my faithful readers and see what they thought.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

What NOT to blog about

I realize in creating this post that I am going to potentially ostracize and offend many of my faithful readers (including my beloved spouse). I urge you, therefore, to consider two things. First, I am right and you are wrong. It's my OPINION, not scripture. Don't argue with me. Second, this is my blog and I am allowed to be hypocritical, offensive, uncouth and impolite. Deal with it.
That being said I will continue with the topic of the discourse. As you have ascertained from the title of my post, I am going to discuss a few topics I deem inappropriate for blog content. I realize that it is hypocritical and convoluted for me to blog about the things I don't like to see other people blog about. I also realize that I should follow my own advice and opt not to read certain blogs and/or posts that I deem unworthy of my time. So please don't (or please do so I can point out your stupidity) leave comments arguing with my post, I already told you I am right and you are wrong. Know also that I am not targeting or attacking any single person with this post. The only specific examples (if any) that will be used will be taken from my own family.
After that lovely intro we will proceed with the list. The first thing I would like to see less of is this:
I don't mean my child. I love my children and enjoy spending time with them. Yes, that is a giant snot bubble. I had to stop my wife from putting this on our family blog, threatening her with this very post (which I did anyway). My daughter is adorable, but nobody wants to see this. It is not cute. I have to swallow my own vomit when I look at this, and it is not nearly as bad as some things I have seen. Speaking of vomit, please don't share with the world the photos of little Billy's half digested mac and cheese. Don't post pictures of dirty diapers, we are all surrounded by more than enough fecal matter as it is. That's great if your kid is potty training. But guess what? I don't want to see a pictures of the turd or urine. These are all things that the body is excreting for a reason. They are not pleasant and not meant to be shared.
Ladies. This one is for you. I realize, especially after watching The Oprah Sex Show, that it is important for a woman to be comfortable with her vulva and accompanying hardware. Guess what? I am not comfortable with your reproductive region. People don't want to hear about your menstrual cycle, intimate details of your birthing, or anything that has to do with your nether regions. Privates is a good word. Let's keep it that way. For an example of what not to post on this subject I include the following picture. It is part of a short video that I suggest you watch by clicking on THIS LINK. I especially like the pirate blood drop.
Another one for the ladies and one that I am going to be careful with is the pregnant belly pictures. I'm not talking about pictures of your belly per say, but does it have to be bare skin? If you're pregnant it's not like many shirts are going to be baggy enough to hide your belly anyway. This is one we are guilty of doing, but we definitely did not post the pictures on the internet. I was going to post a picture of my own belly, which has grown a little over the years, but thought better of it. Above and beyond the bare skin bellies (which really aren't that bad) are the pictures where the girl is either topless covering her bosoms, or pantless with a little crack showing sitting sideways with the belly exposed, etc. Those are the ones I really deem inappropriate. I think pregnancy is a swell thing. We have to keep the human race going after all. But I think posting photographs of yourself half naked is a bit unbecoming of a chaste young lady (although the huge gross belly does make it non-sexual for the young men looking at it).
The last item about which I will complain are the anonymous comments that people make on each other's blogs. Now, we all know that when you want to say something rude to your friend on their blog you just click that little anonymous button and away go the inhibitions. I realize in saying this that I allow anonymous comments on my blog. In fact, I welcome them. I like for the ignorant wretch that has something clever to say, but is too cowardly to say it openly, to have a forum in which to post their opinions. Nobody leaves nice, friendly, uplifting comments when they are anonymous. So those of you that have rude things to say, please do. I would also like for you to check back, as those are my favorite to respond to.
Again, I do not mean to target anyone in particular in making this post. Rather, I mean to offend the blogging community as a whole in an attempt to save myself the trouble of doing it one individual at a time.