Saturday, July 26, 2008

What the...?


*Disclaimer: If you think you will be offended by my commenting on an eyeless nun, well, then, that's probably a good thing. But you can click here for a somewhat (in some people's opinions) less offensive (albeit much more disturbing) website that may be more up your ally. She was making fun of herself and was able to laugh at her afflictions, so I feel justified in joining in.
At this point in time, you, my valued readers, are probably wondering two things. First, yes, that is a nun with an eye patch. The second thing you are probably wondering is what kind of looser would take a picture of the television, regardless of what was on it. What can I say? The camera was handy and I couldn't help myself. I would like it to be known, however, that this is not a normal practice of mine. In order to understand why I stumbled across this, I must first explain our television situation.
We have had Direct TV for the past two years and, whilst enjoying the programming have not enjoyed the bill. So we decided to switch to the local basic, basic cable. The guy laughed at me on the phone when I requested it and told me people didn't use that anymore. It is $9 a month for approximately 23 channels. About seven of these channels are religious in nature. Imagine my disappointment when one of them was not the BYU channel. Damn.
So I was flipping through the channels the other day when I stumbled across this little chestnut of a program. At first I went right on by, then I choked on my string cheese and did a double take. Says I to myself, "Self, was that a nun with an eye patch?" I had convinced myself that it was not and kept going through the channels until about 18 seconds later when I had cycled through and saw it again. Needless to say I was mesmerized. I'm only human after all, and we all have our weaknesses. At first I thought it was a Saturday Night Live re-run or something, but then I slowly realized that this was for real.
I'll admit that I couldn't look away. At first I even felt a little sorry for her. Then she started joking about how her eye hole was leaking and dabbed at it. While holding in my vomit I was wondering what the producers must have been thinking, when it hit me. What a marvelous marketing strategy. The big wigs and the gospel channel have probably been wondering for quite some time how they could compete with the guy that has a four foot giant golden cross on his chest AND a hat. It worked for me. I can't think of anything more fetching than an eye patched nun.
After I got over the patch and put the camera down I actually listened to what she was saying and she gave a lovely discourse on eternal progression that was not far from the mark. I changed the channel when she started talking about praying to Mary but was impressed overall.
Now, I got to thinking about how drab a black eye patch is. So I've done a little research. Check out this little gem of a website. I'm particularly fond of the pastel colors in the middle of the page, although they do remind me of a woman's brassiere.

Now, I'm no whiz at photoshop, but I think something like this would be much more appropriate. It is functional as well as fashionable. Who says you can't be sexy with an eye patch?

17 comments:

RhondaLue said...

I thought only pirates wore eye-patches. Maybe that nun is a gospel preachin' PIRATE *pretending* to have a leaking eye hole. gag

RhondaLue said...

p.s. Thanks for FINALLY updating your blog. :) Love it.

The Hutchins said...

Oh Richard...

Anonymous said...

Hey, I was a little offended by this post. Just remember that you might have some non-Mormon readers of your blog.

Response to anonymous said...

I appreciate your comment. We are all entitled to our opinions, hence the beauty of blogs. I don't quite understand the significance of not being Mormon though. I'm sure I have offended several people of my own faith. Please be offended by me, not my religion (I know I have many faults and foibles). I don't recall saying anything negative about any religion. As a matter of fact I have no idea what religion she was affiliated with. Please don't show your ignorance by thinking that religion had anything at all to do with my post. Admittedly, making fun of the poor lady is a bit childish and immature, by any religions standards. I did, however, point out that she was laughing at herself, and that I actually did enjoy what she was talking about.

Johnny and Angela said...

That is some funny junk. We're going to have to upgrade from having the WB only so I can enjoy 7 religious channels.

Jed said...

Simply funny stuff Richard. I am offended that you started with a disclaimer which led me to not read the rest of your blog for fear of being offended. After further review there was nothing offensive about it, at least not to me. Of course I am the guy who took a lifelike doll to church and pretended to trip and drop her in front of our Bishopric's wives.(two wives from two members of the bishopric, I'm not flds) Offensive? Maybe, but it sure was funny!

Anonymous said...

You were watching EWTN (eternal word network) which is associated with the Roman Catholic faith. The "woman with the eye patch" is Sister Mother Angelica. She is a cloistered contemplative nun of the Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration.

check it out: www.ewtn.com

RhondaLue said...

For further info..I'm not sure anyone was offended at Jed's "babydropping" incident. After they stopped screaming (thinking he really did just drop an infant) they were laughing hysterically. I thought maybe freaking out the bishopric and their wives might get him booted from being a high councilor..but to no avail. keep trying hun. ha ha j/K!

Lari said...

I don't get it. You can be way, way, way more offensive. I thought it was actually very tasteful. Love, Mom

Melinda Pink said...

Hey Dick, Thanks for making me laugh. I am glad that you found me. I have been on your other blog but didnt know you had this one.
Ya I finally gave in to everyones demand.....anyways keep on keeping on!

Melinda said...

BOO BOO Update!!!

erica's dad said...

I dont get nun outfits. Wore one at a halloween party at BYU once and it itched like hell. Must be a babe magnet though, a couple of girls (and a guy) slipped me their phone numbers.

Tanner and Shasta said...

I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that you spent so much time writing about a nun with an eye patch, or the fact that I read the entire thing and then clicked on the eye patch link and was looking at the different prices of the different patches.... I guess you never know when you might lose an eye. Anyway I enjoyed the laugh. A big thank you to You and Sister Mother Angelica for brightening up my last five minutes. Oh and a very special thank you to Anonymous for telling us her name. It's nice to be able to put a name to the eye patch.

Anonymous said...

You have really great taste on catch article titles, even when you are not interested in this topic you push to read it

Anonymous said...

Do you have copy writer for so good articles? If so please give me contacts, because this really rocks! :)

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