Saturday, July 26, 2008

What the...?

*Disclaimer: If you think you will be offended by my commenting on an eyeless nun, well, then, that's probably a good thing. But you can click here for a somewhat (in some people's opinions) less offensive (albeit much more disturbing) website that may be more up your ally. She was making fun of herself and was able to laugh at her afflictions, so I feel justified in joining in.
At this point in time, you, my valued readers, are probably wondering two things. First, yes, that is a nun with an eye patch. The second thing you are probably wondering is what kind of looser would take a picture of the television, regardless of what was on it. What can I say? The camera was handy and I couldn't help myself. I would like it to be known, however, that this is not a normal practice of mine. In order to understand why I stumbled across this, I must first explain our television situation.
We have had Direct TV for the past two years and, whilst enjoying the programming have not enjoyed the bill. So we decided to switch to the local basic, basic cable. The guy laughed at me on the phone when I requested it and told me people didn't use that anymore. It is $9 a month for approximately 23 channels. About seven of these channels are religious in nature. Imagine my disappointment when one of them was not the BYU channel. Damn.
So I was flipping through the channels the other day when I stumbled across this little chestnut of a program. At first I went right on by, then I choked on my string cheese and did a double take. Says I to myself, "Self, was that a nun with an eye patch?" I had convinced myself that it was not and kept going through the channels until about 18 seconds later when I had cycled through and saw it again. Needless to say I was mesmerized. I'm only human after all, and we all have our weaknesses. At first I thought it was a Saturday Night Live re-run or something, but then I slowly realized that this was for real.
I'll admit that I couldn't look away. At first I even felt a little sorry for her. Then she started joking about how her eye hole was leaking and dabbed at it. While holding in my vomit I was wondering what the producers must have been thinking, when it hit me. What a marvelous marketing strategy. The big wigs and the gospel channel have probably been wondering for quite some time how they could compete with the guy that has a four foot giant golden cross on his chest AND a hat. It worked for me. I can't think of anything more fetching than an eye patched nun.
After I got over the patch and put the camera down I actually listened to what she was saying and she gave a lovely discourse on eternal progression that was not far from the mark. I changed the channel when she started talking about praying to Mary but was impressed overall.
Now, I got to thinking about how drab a black eye patch is. So I've done a little research. Check out this little gem of a website. I'm particularly fond of the pastel colors in the middle of the page, although they do remind me of a woman's brassiere.

Now, I'm no whiz at photoshop, but I think something like this would be much more appropriate. It is functional as well as fashionable. Who says you can't be sexy with an eye patch?